Apparently she is still delirious. She told me that she has been in the f$*%ing hospital for a month now and that everyone knows its Tuesday. (I am guessing that no one has changed the date on the calendar in her room yet today.) She then told me that she was not going to die in this d#$* hospital, that she wanted to die at home.
I tried to tell her that she'd only been in the hospital for about 18 hours and that I didn't want her to give up, that I wanted her to get better.
She hung up on me.
I called back and Dave was in the room and he said that she was trying to pull the IV out of her arm and leave in her hospital robe. He had a nurse in the room who was trying to reason with her, but she was yelling at the nurse that she was going home. Dave said they were trying to get a doctor in there right away.
Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, the words I write don't do justice to the tone of her voice, the panic, frustration, and sheer obstinance that I hear when I talk to her.
And as her daughter, and the person on her health-care directive who will have to make decisions on her behalf when she is no longer able... do I see this as mom asserting her wishes, of which she is fully capable of doing, or do I - as I believe - recognize that she is not rational, that she might be making decisions (or trying to make decisions) based on how she feels, but that her perception is not reality? Do I force the issue and get her the treatment I think she needs? Or do I acknowledge that we might be getting close to the end and that I should see my role as supporting whatever it is she wants whether she is rational about it or not?
I don't know what to think. I am waiting for a doctor or nurse to call me back...
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