A rough day...

I never know where I should start with these things. The storyteller part of me thinks I should tell about the phone conversation I had with mom around 4:00 in the afternoon Monday... it went something like:

Me: How are you feeling?
Mom: Well, I dropped my pills into my bed last night and had to get the balls out of the sky because Dave was vacuuming and I told him he'd better f*$%ing get me Saturday back, but the dead man's socks were in my bed, and I always sit on the deck and have breakfast with the birds on Saturday...
Me: Did you get your pills back out of the bed?
Mom: What pills? I told you I put the dead man's socks on (incoherent rambling)....
Me: Mom, where are you right now?
Mom: I don't know, it's yellow and pink, with spots.
Me: Mom, are you sleeping? I am having a hard time understanding you.
Mom: Well you know how men can be...
Me: Mom, I am going to call you doctor. Stay by the phone and I'll call you back in a few minutes.

Or I could start out by letting you know that mom is in the hospital again.

Or, perhaps it would be better by telling you that through it all, I think there is humor in here somewhere. But since its now 3 am and I just got home from Southdale Fairview, and just tucked my kids into bed, who were with me all night at the hospital with mom, perhaps, I'll lay off the humor for now. Someday, perhaps we can look back and say, "do you remember that time..."

So, back to the rough day.

I did call the doctor - the one on call. (you can never actually reach Dr. Boente - we love him, but he's... well... busy.) Dr. Bailey said that if mom seemed delirious that we should bring her to ER. This simple call took about an hour, because she had to call me back. I called Dave. He said he'd head straight home. (he works second shift and mom was home alone tonight.) I called mom to let her know that I was coming over, but she didn't answer. I called a few times in a row thinking that it might take her a bit to get to the phone. Maybe she was in the bathroom. Maybe she was downstairs and the cordless was upstairs? I called my brother Craig. He lives about 10 minutes from mom's house and asked him to go and check on her. I kept trying to reach her on the phone, to no avail.

We were in the car on our way to mom's house when Dave called me asking where I was and was mom with me. I said I was on my way there and no, I didn't have mom with me. Then he said, "she's left, the truck is gone and so is she."

Which led to me saying, "hang up and call 911 right away."

I called Craig back, "mom is missing, Dave is home, mom took the truck, we need to go and look for her."

To which Craig said, "where should I start."

"Target first, call me when you get there."

I got to mom's at about 6:00 and pulled in just as my sister did. I hadn't even called her yet, she was just stopping by to visit mom out the blue. Just as we were walking up the driveway, Dave came out. Craig found mom at Target. (If you know mom, you'll know that this makes perfect sense, delirious or not, this is her home away from home.)

Dave got in my van, Ann followed in hers, and to Target we went. On the way I called Craig... Mom was apparently shopping for groceries, apparently some woman yelled at her on the road (not sure where this happened, mom can't remember) and told her that she should not be driving. I asked Craig how she was doing, and he said he was taking her to ER and that we should meet him there.

Hence, somehow we ended up with a somewhat spontaneous family reunion in the ER in Edina.

And, yes, there are definitely some funny parts to that story, and we are all trying desperately to stay lighthearted and upbeat, but its hard.

Mom has renal failure, her kidneys have shut down. Nobody knows exactly why this has happened, although they have tossed about some possibilities... tumor growth is restricting function of the kidneys and/or bladder, the chemo, the meds she is on or has been on... A kidney specialist will see her tomorrow. At this time treatment has started with IV fluids, and some stuff that will absorb the potassium in her system because the level was very high. Tomorrow, we'll talk about different options, a stint if they find a blockage, dialysis if things get worse or if we don't find a cause soon.

I have a belief that we naturally draw to us the things that we spend the most time thinking about, and its becoming somewhat challenging to deal with that right now. I can't help but think we are on a downward path here, and that I need to start emotionally preparing for the worst case scenario. And yet, I don't want to jinx her.

She was REALLY upset at the hospital tonight. After she heard that she was being admitted, she started sobbing and then tried to walk out of the ER. She wasn't able too because she had wires and tubes and all kinds of stuff she was connected to. She kept saying, "I don't want to die here like this, I want to go home." I know that she is feeling like everything is out of control and that she is becoming dependent on doctors who can barely remember her name, let alone the big things, like prescriptions and allergies.

And so, mom is at Fairview Southdale. She isn't well. She doesn't want visitors, she feels too "crappy." (her word, not mine).

Dave and I went to Target to pick up her truck. She is seriously lucky she didn't hurt anyone. She did hit a big post with the front of her car when she tried to park, but other than that, the car faired pretty well.

And now, its 3:40 am and I am going to bed. Good night.